Ocram’s Blog

Recently, I’ve started listening to Sonata Arctica and while I haven’t really listened to them much, I like what I’ve heard.

According to their last.fm page, they are ‘considered by many as the heir of Stratovarius.’ Now, not wanting to argue with many, (it can get very messy, especially when they are armed with torches and pitchforks) I decided, based on that single line, I decided I wanted to hear more. Usually in this situation I would turn to BitTorrent, but not today. Today I wanted more. I wanted to be able to have that 12 cm disc… to be able to touch it… hold it… caress it… and I guess play it. :P

So instead I turn to Wikipedia to find out more. And what better way to discover a band than with a compilation album? The latest release was ‘Black Diamond: The Anthology’ and with a title like that, who could refuse?

However, I can’t actually find anywhere that sells it. It isn’t on Amazon, CD Wow, eBay, Play.com or even their offical store.

So at this point I’m thinking that a digital download will suffice. But I’m determined to pay for it, so I go to eMusic. I type ‘Stratovarius’ and click search, and a moment passes. They’re on there! Failing not to get my hopes up, I hovered over the link wanting to savour the moment. The tension is mounting, and I can no longer take it. I click the link… and they don’t have it.

At this point, I think that turning to BitTorrent is entirely justified.

However, after consulting isoHunt, Demonoid, Torrentspy and Mininova I have concluded that this album does not exist.

A week without a working computer, and another two without the Internet. But I’m back, and more evil than ever. :P

I passed my theory test. ^_^ Hopefully I can pass the practical test by the end of the year, and then sit around imagining what it would be like if I could afford a car and the insurance.

Still no luck finding a job… I haven’t even been offered an interview yet. I never realised just how boring being unemployed could be. The novelty of lazing around the house wears off quickly. Very quickly. It was different after the end of term, because there would at least be somebody around, but now everybody is either at university or working, there isn’t really anything to do.

If somebody is looking to go on holiday and wants somebody to go with, I’m readily available. :innocent:

Well… that’s pretty much a summary of my last three weeks. Kind of depressing if you think about it. :ermm:

So, um, back to the ongoing theme I guess:

Your husband is extremely lucky to have you, and I can only hope to one day find somebody like you.

I know it sounds bizarre, but I almost want to say goodbye if only to say that line. It is the perfect encapsulation of how I feel in a single sentence. Well, at least it seems that way at the moment…

And no, I haven’t started writing anything yet. That’s just something which came to me one night. I guess I’m just keeping it should I ever need it in the future.

In fact… I’ve been thinking… maybe it isn’t such a good idea to say goodbye after all. To have somebody who I trust completely, who I feel comfortable telling (almost) anything to, that sense of… disconnect, I guess… that whatever I share is practically without repercussions, maybe it isn’t such a bad idea. Even if most of the conversation is just small talk, to know that there is always somebody that I can turn to… maybe that’s what everybody needs.

(Unfortunately) there’s another train of thought which follows this. If you are really defined by the actions of others, and there is no action that could really affect me, does that make it all meaningless? I don’t just want somebody who is there for me to spill my guts to. (that’s what this is for ;)) Even then, there are always things that I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with somebody unless I could tell them in person. To be able to actually tell what they are thinking… to actually be able to express real sympathy or compassion, instead of trying to translate actions into words. Likewise, there are also things that I just would only feel comfortable asking in person, for the aforementioned reasons. But like I said, that isn’t all a friendship should be about, at least in my eyes. To take the good times with the bad. But what good times could there even be? Add to that all these feelings that I’m never going to be able to properly realise, never being able to know what they really are, what they really mean or how deep they are.

But if it is meaningless, then is the thought of saying goodbye so hard? Why does it hurt so much to think that it will really be the end… that perhaps I’ve already lost whatever was there for me… that perhaps there never was anything there to have in the first place? Why did I end up in tears half way through writing this? And I know this time that if I do say goodbye it will really have to be the last time… no matter in the future I want otherwise, because of all the pain and heartache it has caused this time round. To be honest at the moment I don’t even think that I could bring myself to say goodbye at the moment, even months after saying goodbye (the first time, I guess… :unsure:) I couldn’t bring myself to accept that that was really the end. But unfortunately I don’t feel that there is really anything to lose this time… -_-

I realise that now I should, I don’t know, just copy & paste and send this to her… but like I said, there are just some things that you need to say in person and that’s a chance I’ll never get.

Maybe true friends are the ones you rarely hear from. Or maybe that’s just a lyric in the song I’m listening to at the moment. :pinch:

With that I think I’ve practically written my goodbye already… -_- and it’s left me feeling more confused than ever… what do I do? :unsure:

Well… almost two months since I started, my X-Files marathon is finally complete (although in the end it was really a brisk walk at best.) I have watched all 201, or 2 days 21 hours worth of episodes in seqential order, and all that is left is the (hopefully first) movie, Fight the Future.

So… now I need another pointless goal in order to forget the misery and monotony of life. I’m thinking making sure that I’ve listened to every track in my music collection. The only problem is, I have over 3000 tracks, or 8 days of music, of which 1200 tracks (3 days 5 hours) I haven’t listened to.

This is going to be fun. :rolleyes:

Happiness by the Kilowatt is my favourite song by Alexisonfire, and one of my favourite songs by any artist.

I’m not exactly sure how I found it, but the live piano rendition of Happiness by the Kilowatt by Alexisonfire vocalist Dallas Green (aka City and Colour) is absolutely amazing. It sent a chill down my spine the first time I hear it. Either watch it on Google Video or download the MP3.

I bought his solo album, Sometimes, on the strength of this one song (which isn’t on the album) so it better not disappoint.

Speaking of Alexisonfire, I found Crisis to be rather… mediocre. Then again, I wasn’t really a fan of Watch Out when I first heard it, so maybe it will grow on me. Maybe.