Ocram’s Blog

I don’t know if I can keep doing this to myself… :unsure:

This probably won’t make any sense to anyone, (if anyone actually reads this… ) but that’s because there is so much that I either don’t feel comfortable posting, or am too embarrassed to post. (aren’t they essentially the same thing? :huh:)

Anyway… I was hoping that maybe things would be easier this time round… but it’s been almost a month, and I’m feeling exactly as I did before, perhaps even worse.

Don’t get me wrong: I really, really don’t want to lose this friendship. But if I’m going to be feeling like this every day, I have to question whether it is really worth it. On the other hand, things weren’t exactly much better when I thought that I would never hear from her again.

On the third hand, (I’ve mutated recently :rolleyes:) maybe over time it would get easier… although that argument could really apply to both.

And my apparent penchant for unanswerable (or, perhaps more accurately, unaskable) questions really doesn’t help things either. :hmm:

It’s early morning - again. I can’t sleep - again. There is still a whole bunch of things that I still don’t feel comfortable posting, So instead it’s time for another random ‘personality test’. This time, the ‘Lover Style Profile Test.‘

The Exotic Lover

50% partner focus, 19% aggressiveness, 55% adventurousness
Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Exotic Lover.

The Exotic Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and conjures images of the exotic, romantic hero out of a romance novel, or perhaps a slightly dangerous and deadly sexy femme fatale from a noir mystery. The Exotic Lover loves pleasure and is a treasure to date, though it can be difficult to do so because they sometimes tend to be mysterious and reluctant to commit.

In terms of physical love, the Exotic Lover can be quite surprising, as they are often more exciting and adventurous than predicted. Given a little freedom, and the right lover, the Exotic Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Liberated Lover (most of all) or the Devoted Lover, or the Romantic Lover.

That’s about all I feel comfortable posting right now. :rolleyes:

I went hunting for a cigarette last night. I didn’t find one, and as it was almost midnight there wasn’t anywhere open nearby where I could buy some.

The weird thing was that I wasn’t really craving them, I just went to get a drink, and the next thing I knew I was searching through the cupboards, and then in the drawer in my bedroom.

My second tip should you ever decide to give up smoking: Don’t live with another smoker.

And don’t you just know it. :huh:

The Advertising Slogan Generator

(In case you’re wondering, it’s 2:30 AM and I can’t sleep… )

I must admit, I’m rather proud of myself. I spent yesterday evening in a (smoky) pub with people who were smoking, and managed to avoid temptation. ^_^

Of course, after a point it may not have been so much willpower as… alcohol power. :P

However, this does raise one random question for me. Why is it that smoking is generally frowned upon, whereas drinking is considered a ‘rite of passage’ of sorts, and in any case is generally accepted within mainstream society?

‘Yesterday’ may have been the longest day of my life. :innocent:

Happiness by the Kilowatt is my favourite song by Alexisonfire, and one of my favourite songs by any artist.

I’m not exactly sure how I found it, but the live piano rendition of Happiness by the Kilowatt by Alexisonfire vocalist Dallas Green (aka City and Colour) is absolutely amazing. It sent a chill down my spine the first time I hear it. Either watch it on Google Video or download the MP3.

I bought his solo album, Sometimes, on the strength of this one song (which isn’t on the album) so it better not disappoint.

Speaking of Alexisonfire, I found Crisis to be rather… mediocre. Then again, I wasn’t really a fan of Watch Out when I first heard it, so maybe it will grow on me. Maybe.

I need to learn a new language. One in which I might actually make sense. :P

Ok, so maybe I haven’t been to bed yet (at least for the night), but I wanted to post this now while it was still fresh in my mind.

Owing to ‘unforeseen circumstances’ I have to start over with the whole quitting thing. And to think, I had gone almost a month as well. But… since I (almost) succeeded once, there is no reason why I can’t do it again.

One thing that occurred to me: Whenever I went out for a cigarette, especially at the dead of night, with a mild, pleasant breeze, just to sit there and think, it always used to provide a moment of clarity, or a random thought, a random memory. If there was ever something on my mind, just to go and sit there, in the peace of the night, everything seemed to become clear. What to do, or to say… of course in the end it may have in fact not turned out to be the right thing, but at least at that moment it seemed right.